I don't have a 'Pre-Trauma' Me.
The following is to explain a little futher, how complex trauma endured within childhood, can differ to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, caused by trauma experienced in adulthood.
My trauma and PTSD have been since childhood onwards. So, unlike a lot of PTSD sufferers, I don't have a 'pre-trauma' me.
It is very hard for those who had trauma in adulthood, and PTSD has changed life considerably, from one pre-trauma person, to a post-trauma person.
I can empathise, this must be very hard to come to terms with and the pre-trauma person, needs to be grieved and that can be very painful.
It is also very painful, to not ever have had a 'pre-trauma' life.
I don't know what it is like, to not be a trauma survivor. I have no point of reference - as to how it feels - to not be a traumatised person.
I don't know what it is like to not have PTSD and Complex PTSD.
I don't know what it is like to not feel fear, anxiety, hypervigilance, insomnia, nightmares, fear of trust, fear of abandonment, severe depression etc.
It has all been in my life, every single day, from early childhood, with no break. Ever.
My entire life, has been about surviving trauma and PTSD, Complex PTSD.
This is very painful to come to terms with.
Especially as it was caused by the very people who were meant to care and cherish you as a child and protect you. But, they did the opposite.
If you relate to this, please know, I understand how painful this is to come accept and deal with.
This is a blog I wrote, about how an early childhood trauma survivor, can develop a sense of identity, by examining who they are, and who they are not.